There once was a house I fell in love with.
Ever since we'd moved here 10 years ago; I'd had my eye on a little place near by.
I would drive by slowly and imagine myself in the yard with a huge garden and the kids playing, or how our Christmas tree would look from the window, or I'd even picture a big green wreath with a red bow on the front door, the yard blanketed with snow.
For 10 years I've done ex-boyfriend stalker-like drive-bys, and peered up the winding driveway through the wooded lot.
( not the house.. I didn't want to get sued.)
It was built in the 40's with a brick exterior and copper gutters. It has mature oak trees and sits on over an acre. Lots of yard to garden and grow in.
Even though we just redid our kitchen, when I saw it was back on the market I had to go see it. It was just the right size for our family and had a ton of potential with the kind of character you can't buy.
I know it was never realistic, but I always had it in the back of my head that this might be our house someday.
This house was a house dream for me.
It had a sunroom that would be perfect for my studio. And a huge yard for the kids to play in. Arched doorways, rooms just big enough, a coal room/cellar, big farmhouse utility sinks in the basement and all original hardwood flooring. It had the kind of basement where you could put in an extra oven and have a big family party.
I knew from the pictures it needed a ton of cosmetic updating, but for me that's a good kind of challenge.
But when I walked inside thinking there might be a possibility, my heart was broken at the first whiff. Mold. Mildewy, wet, mold. I know now it takes A LOT of mold for it to be where you can really smell it in the air. Then my eyes started burning and my throat got itchy. I could smell it and feel it from the basement to the attic. Even as I walked around, still holding onto a thread, I knew it was over. That is one task I just can't do. and it broke my heart.
It makes me so angry that someone could let such a gem just go by the wayside. If we had the funds to fix it up and take care of all of it's issues, I would do it in a heartbeat, but if we bought the house,we'd be tapped out.
I know there will be other homes and what is meant to be will be; but sometimes it's hard to see that. We have a beautiful home now that is healthy for our family, I would never compromise that, so crying over what I never had anyway is really silly if you think about it. I consider myself very lucky, so for now, I am going to sit tight in our happy little place and maybe someday, I'll make a million dollars and be able to fix it up and it will still be my house dream after all.